What is love? Asked ‘90’s Eurodance visionary Haddaway, and well he might. The four-letter word has been a source of hope, fear, laughter, tears and stubborn stains since the dawn of mankind. Until, in a world exclusive, Über finally unlocked its secrets (funnily enough, just in time for Valentine’s Day). 

Through a combination of mind-blowing mathematics, cutting-edge science and gold spray paint we successfully developed an app that accurately assesses your relationship status.

From time spent snoozing through soppy rom-coms, to the number of selfies snapped to perfect the ultimate misleading dating site profile, Cupid’s Calculator will provide the facts and figures* based on your inputted stats. Once you’ve got your results, they can then be shared on social.

Cupid’s drawn back his bow, so have a go here.

*Really? You expected an actual caveat?